Opening up my heart and my life in this blog has offered many discoveries for me. The most important one is how I am still searching for approval and love outside of myself.
Some of you know that I studied acting. One of the reasons that I stepped away from pursuing it as a career was that I came to understand that I was using the accolades I would gain from my performances as a substitute for love. As my meditation practice became more and more important to me I felt it was time to sever ties to 'unhealthy' habits like that.
And here I am, years later, doing exactly the same thing. I have changed the focus from acting to teaching Tantra, but the essence is the same...when people accept and admire what I put forward, I feel happy...when they don't approve or misunderstand, I feel sad.
Fascinating the roller coaster I choose to ride rather than allow myself to feel the love within.
- Rest with your hands on your heart
- Try remembering a time in your life when you felt loved
- For example: the warmth of the sun on your face, a family member or lover holding you or looking at you with pride after a triumph, spending time with a beloved pet
- Allow yourself to fill out every detail of the moment that you are remembering...immerse yourself in it
- Then allow the memory to dissolve and continue to feel the resonance in your body
...you are the love that you seek.
No matter the story that surrounds your experience of love, it is simply the catalyst, a mirror for the truth within. Knowing this can mean the difference between constantly seeking approval from your partner, and truly experiencing a sharing of love with them.
*For a more detailed description of this meditation entitled 'Awakening the Inner Lover' check out Margo Anand's book The Art of Sexual Ecstasy.