My beloved just came back from a Men's Weekend workshop...I don't know what they do there, and I am certain that I don't agree with everything, BUT....boy does he feel amazing!
He is radiant and VERY masculine! I mean, as if he wasn't already masculine enough...
It has called forward another side of me, even more feminine....and equally powerful to meet this powerful man.
I got scared when he first got home and I felt him, scared that I was not enough woman for him. He just keeps getting more and more amazing. As soon as I had his penis inside of me my fears subsided. What I feel most blessed with is that with him showing up so powerful, I could see and feel the potential for even more power, aliveness and embodiment to arise in me. Like my container for what is possible as a woman just expanded and now I just have to allow myself to fill it.
The lovemaking has been so rich. A new layer has been introduced. I am consistently surprised by what is possible between two human beings.
The first night he was back it was raw. He could feel my uneasiness around how to welcome him back and how to 'be enough' for this new man and he simply "knew" he had to fuck me back to my senses. We tried a new position where I was wedged up against the wall in a corner...it was lovely, I felt like I was in one of those intense movie scenes that everyone talks about.
The second night was literally unbelievable. The highlight was that he chose to cum inside of me,which he rarely ever does. I had been in a consistent state of orgasm for a good while during the lovemaking and as he orgasmed I followed him. At first we were in slightly different rhythms, our 'peaks' were not matched, but then we seemed to surrender to it at the same moment. Identical sighs came out of us and suddenly we were enveloped by the orgasmic experience together. WOW.
Once we transitioned, I felt this bubble-like energy around my head and covering my body down to my belly button. We sat across the table from one another having dinner and I could see that he had one too, this bubble of energy around him. Over dinner we had a wonderful, rich conversation about the workshops we have done, our friends, and how our relationship evolved. We spoke about the first Ecstasy of the Heart retreat when we got together and each detail literally came to life as we spoke. The strangest and most amazing moment was when I talked about how when I met him I was in a place where the only man I would give myself to would be the man I intended to stay with for the rest of my life. That is why the first time we made love was like a marriage to me.
As I said that I made a gesture with my hands, an opening. He felt this huge surge of energy and it actually moved his body as the energy passed through him.
...but that's not all...
When we were complete with our dinner and we decided to transition, he got up from the table. As he moved, I felt energy in my body shift, like the 'bubble' had spread out to consume my entire body. I felt I had to lay down right there and I did. Suddenly, my body began to go into orgasm. Not a quiet meditative state of orgasm that I often experience when I am on my own, but full, alive, ecstatic, delicious orgasm. As I fell deeper into it it began to happen to him as well across the room. We started laughing hysterically. How fucking crazy? We laughed our way into an embrace and felt ourselves totally in awe of the fun we have and the totally other-worldly things we discover through our loving.
Ever since then I have felt the hugeness of the energy that is me. I feel like I am more 'in' everything that I do. Everything that I touch, I truly feel through me, and everything that feels my touch is somehow enlivened.