Recently I have had the honor of working with several men who have dared to be very honest with me about their relationship to their penis.
It seems to me from what I have learned that every man has been programmed to believe that he should have a rock-hard erection at all times. This myth has grown so far and wide that modern science has even made an attempt at solving it by creating a little blue pill, so every man can be hard even when his body is giving him a different message. This little blue pill has done us a great disservice because it has made it easy for us to ignore an important message from our bodies.
I would be shocked if there was even one man reading this blog who has not experienced a moment when his penis did not get hard when he wanted it to.
So, here is the lowdown as I see it:
Most people today are cut off from their genitals...desensitized. Many young men are completely unconscious in their genitals and they are simply driven by biology. Biology ensures that they get an erection at any and all times possible in order to ensure the growth of our species. What biology is ignorant about is the fact that an erect penis without a connection to a man's heart is a potentially dangerous thing.
Most men and women don't have any idea what we are carrying in our genitals. Men are often carrying anger, guilt, hate, confusion, shame...and more, in their genitals. This has been created through a repression of the sexual energy in our society. When an unconscious man penetrates a woman he leaves her with a residue of all of these tensions and unfelt feelings that are living in his genitals. Woman receives this for two reasons; 1) she is cut off from her own genitals, 2) she is created to be a 'receiver'.
If a man is lucky, he will experience a moment in his life when his penis becomes or longs to become conscious. When it is tired of being a slave to biology and sees an opportunity to connect with the heart. One example of how this may show up, is in a moment when a man is about to penetrate a woman whom he does not love or care for, or he can sense that she does not love or care for him and the penis chooses to be soft, refusing to participate in the charade any longer. Most men experience great fear, sadness, shame and confusion when this happens.
If this has happened to you I say, 'congratulations, your penis is awakening to it's true potential'.
You see, a penis is not there to merely impregnate women and use them as a device for momentary pleasure...a conscious penis has the potential to take you home. To bring you back inside of woman, from where you came. To offer her great healing and offer you a sense of peace, well being and balance.
A conscious penis is valuable and alive throughout all levels of tumescence. This is because a conscious penis is at all times sensing into and reading the messages of a woman's body.
Woman is not always open and ready to receive a rock hard penis. In fact, if our body is not open, facing a hard penis can be downright scary. With an alive and intuitive penis woman can relax knowing that she will be met exactly where she is at. If she is not ready for lovemaking, the penis won't be either...if you are in the middle of making love and she tightens up a bit, the penis will adjust to her needs and soften so she can again open and relax.
This is where my very favorite lovemaking technique comes in: soft penetration. Soft penetration is exactly what it sounds like...woman takes her man inside of her while his penis is soft. This is an AMAZING opportunity to re-sensitize both the penis and the vagina. There is a natural resonance and intelligence that our genitals have which most of us are completely shut off to. When we rest the genitals together, we give them the space to awaken and re-connect with their true power and intuition. From this space truly transformational lovemaking can arise.
As for me, discovering this truth has changed my life and allowed me to surrender to my love in new ways. I can feel the true gift of every level of tumescence and the love with which my beloved's penis moves as it feels into me and my deepest needs and longings. Just as I spoke about in the previous entry, it knows when it can fuck me senseless with absolute love, and when I am feeling scared and shut down and I need a softer, more tender penis to meet me before I can invite him all the way in.
To read more about how you can practice soft penetration check out my favorite book Tantric Orgasm for Women for detailed instructions and much more info about growing conscious in our genitals.
embody truth, embody love...embody Tantra.
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