It was more than three years ago, in a delicious workshop with my beloved friend Dawn Cartwright, that she led myself and a group of women by the hand out into the night. She lifted my blindfold and signaled to the star filled sky above us, 'When a man penetrates you, this is what he is entering'. Wow. It reminded me how profound it is to share in sexual union with another, I remembered that I, insecure, lost, lonely, Charu am a reflection of the world around me. Beautiful, complicated, full, alive, sparkling, endless.... When I know myself as this I can allow my partner to literally make love with the universe...together we can reveal mysteries simply by meeting in love.
This morning, as I made love with my beloved, the skies opened up and I allowed myself to experience the simple truth. As he penetrated me, I felt waves an waves of sweetness pulling me deeper and deeper into the starry sky that I am made of. I felt our connection even as I was overwhelmed by sensation. As each swell of energy came it washed over both of us...our bodies were at once very real and dissolving....something that might be referred to as 'simultaneous orgasm' although that definition feels small for the experience we share. It feels more like being bathed by waves of orgasm and there is no 'my orgasm' vs. 'his orgasm' the orgasms wash over both of us at the same time...yum!
When we shared a brief moment together this evening we acknowledged how amazing and bizarre our life is and how absolutely profound lovemaking can be. Another level of communication through the bodies has become an everyday affair. I may have a yearning for him to touch my lips during our lovemaking, and before the thought comes out of my mouth, he has heard me. We laughed about the delicious witchcraft we have discovered.
Seriously, if someone had told me this, I would not have believed it. I remember wishing that it was true, wishing there could be more to lovemaking than I was experiencing, but feeling whatever that 'more' was remained hidden behind some wall that I could not identify.
As I look back on my journey from here to here, I am reminded of how nothing has developed as I imagined it would. How absolutely grateful I am for finding Tantra and surrendering to it in the way that I have. How the Tantric meditations somehow showed me the 'wall' that I was imprisoned by and how to knock it down. How hysterical fits led to openings, how resistance and hating the world gave way to a sudden experience of more of myself, how a simple breath has become a lovemaking in and of itself, how a moment of truth has made way for more orgasms...
It is my greatest wish that I continue to allow myself to be surprised by what shows up for me in this exploration. I know that I have only just begun to embody what is possible. I continue to call to everyone who knows there is more, to step bravely into the possibilities and be my companions on this journey. I am so grateful to have opened this door. This world of pleasure, opening and connection is here for all of us.