In our society, most men are experiencing a severe disconnect from penis to heart. This is for several reasons.
1. Our entire culture is built on having shame around our sexuality ~ it is a bit controversial, but my perspective is this: our sexual energy is nothing more than our life-force energy. It is the energy of sex that brings life into the world. When you think of it that way, you can begin to come into contact with the sheer power and essence of natural sexuality, rather than our learned and ‘perverted’ sexuality. When I say ‘perverted’ I mean it in the true sense of the word, not as it has come to be understood… a perversion comes from an energy which is repressed, the repression builds these blocks in the body (which we spoke about last week) the energy then has to warp in order to continue to flow through the body. This warped, not freely flowing energy manifests as disconnected behavior. Behavior which is desperately trying to compensate for this very painful disconnect inside. The disconnect from the sex to the heart. The disconnect from the love and acceptance of ourselves.
One of the many reasons for this comes from centuries and centuries of world leaders needing or wanting to control society. It is easiest to control people when they are disconnected to their true inner power. When they are in fear and believe that they need something or someone outside of themselves to tell them who they are. This is why we have been indoctrinated with such shame around our sexuality and especially this idea that it is unholy in some way.
What if you being connected to your sexuality in a genuine way, expressing your deepest love and devotion when you made love… what if that was actually an expression of the divine, rather than something repulsive, wrong or perverse.
What could be more beautiful, more loving, more in praise of this life experience than making love?
By beginning to give yourself permission to express and enjoy your sexuality, and shifting your context from believing in a deep and unconscious way that you are bad and wrong for your natural human desires, you begin to open the door for more pleasure and satisfaction in your own life and lovemaking. You unlock the door of the prison within that has been hanging heavy for many generations.
Simply unlocking this door, giving yourself permission to be human, to fully enjoy your human sexuality, you are making way for more fulfilling lovemaking. Often a shift in thinking about this (with the support of the meditations) can clear blocks in the body which are resulting in inability to maintain or achieve erection or premature ejaculation. The weight of the guilt and shame we all feel for being human is the cause of much of our inability to show up sexually the way we would like to.
It is possible to fuck without the connection from sex to heart. Both men and women have been coming from this place when they have sex. Sex like this can fulfill the basic biological need, but it is not deeply fulfilling. Lovemaking that is deeply fulfilling comes first from a connection within, a trust in yourself, a knowing that you do not need validation from your lover (or anyone else) in order to feel whole. From this place of being whole within, you can begin to truly connect to your woman.
Women are longing for this heart and sex connection. More than any technique that a man can perform on us, we are longing to be truly ‘met’ by him. We want to feel his confidence and strength. We want to feel that with every stroke he is actually loving us with his penis. Most men have no idea how to do this due to the dis-connect and disembodiment of the penis.
This is one of the reasons why it is so important to begin to touch your penis and create a relationship beyond one that is purely to provoke orgasm… you need to bring life and blood-flow back, energy back into the penis. You need to create an innocent relationship with it in order to truly understand it’s power. Look at a child. Little boys are fascinated with their penis, they want to touch it and talk about it, they are completely innocent within this discovery. And they are right to be fascinated! This part of the body is not only rich with nerve-endings and pleasure, but when aroused grows and actually fits perfectly into the beautiful opening in woman, and at the peak of arousal it releases a substance without which life would cease to exist. Seriously. This is magic. This is a miracle. A miracle that we have become accustomed to ignoring or taking for granted. When you allow yourself to come back into contact with that fascination, that reverence for the magic of the act that brings life into the world, the way you make love changes forever.
Even more importantly, beyond the biology, when the penis is connected to the heart, when it is fully alive and embodied, it has the power to awaken woman to her own body, her own aliveness.
I have shared this information with many men over the years and some will say to me, ‘but the women I am with don’t want this, they don’t want connection, they just want me to fuck them’.
To this I say, I understand, not every woman is ready to allow herself to be this vulnerable to man. We are holding our own fears, our own shame, our own protection and shut-down. Because of the shut-down you have been experiencing in your own body, you may have been attracted to women who did not want to go beyond their comfort zone. Opening up in this way takes great courage on the part of both the man and the woman. And with that courage comes great rewards. What you thought was possible in lovemaking you come to find is only a small portion of what is available to you. Not every woman will allow herself to surrender to what you will be bringing to the bedroom, trust that when you are coming from a deeply authentic place you are inviting her to meet you. Be patient with her, let her know that she can trust you, know that you desire a deeper connection with her and she may surprise you. Be brave enough in your process to stand strong even if she does not understand you or wants to make you wrong. A man who knows who he is and does not compromise to please his woman is VERY SEXY!