There are so many rumors floating around when it comes to orgasm and Tantra... orgasm for hours, orgasm without ejaculating, full-body orgasm, etc. In this article I am going to attempt to shed some light on the truth behind the rumors.
The perspective on orgasm in our current culture has become very limited. We have come to define orgasm as one intense moment that we experience a powerful build-up to and then an explosion, then relaxation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with orgasming in this way, it is simply not the whole story.
One of the things that often happens when we are heading for one of these intense ‘pointed’ experiences of orgasm (which is sometimes referred to as a ‘peak’ orgasmic experience) is that we tense our bodies in an effort to focus the energy in our genitals (I invite you to be a scientist and watch for this next time you are going for a peak orgasm).
Another thing that sometimes happens is that we can get fixated or hungry for the result of the final explosion and this can actually take us away from ourselves or our partner. We can find that we forget the sensations of the current moment as we charge ahead to feed that need to ‘explode’ (again, check this out... does this happen to you? it’s different for everyone).
In my article ‘What is Tantric Lovemaking I & II’ I spoke about opening the vessel of the body and freeing it from tensions so that we could invite and allow the energy of arousal to nourish our entire body.
When it comes to moving into a new space of experiencing the full potential of our orgasm, a certain amount of opening and freeing of the body must be done to support a re-sensitizing of the body. This can be an easy process and I often joke that if everyone ‘shook’ their bodies for 5 minutes a day they would find they are much more orgasmic within a month. This is simply because the shaking opens the body, allows for blocks to clear and makes way for new sensitivities as energy can flow more freely.
Let’s explore some new ways of defining orgasm and exploring...
If the orgasms we are most culturally used to are ‘peak’, another aspect to explore is the ‘valley’. In my experience, a valley orgasm blooms from allowing the arousal to be activated and rather than tensing around it and focusing it in the genitals, we soften the body around the arousal. At first this will feel like a real challenge because often the drive for orgasm is so intense once the flavor of it begins to arise in the body. It can feel difficult to ‘unhook’ from the ingrained urge to go forward.
However, if we take a chance and allow the body to expand around the arousal, rather than contract, if we soften rather than tense, then the sensation can begin to gently spread out through the body. This can make way for the experience of orgasm to expand and last for hours rather than moments, with this experience of orgasm, you might find that you are deeply nourished rather than exhausted as you ride the waves.
Full Body Orgasms
In my experience valley orgasm can absolutely be full-body orgasm as well. If we allow the entire body to be nourished by the arousal as we soften around it the sensation can move throughout the entire body. I think somewhere along the line we got caught up in thinking that a full body orgasm would have to have the whole body reeling, writhing, screaming, etc. and in my experience that is not necessarily true. In addition to allowing the body to soften around arousal, there are also techniques and practices for inviting the arousal into different parts of the body. When we work with this relaxing and inviting the sensation of orgasm away from being entirely genital and allow it to penetrate the entire body, this is when we are experiencing full body orgasm.
Men Orgasming Without Ejaculation: Multiple orgasms
Working with the valley orgasm & opening the body to full-body orgasms are both pathways for men to begin to experience orgasm without ejaculating. This is not a myth. It is absolutely true and it’s not very difficult, though it will require some practice. Once again, this is effected when we clear the body and take the focus off being purely genital, as the energy of arousal is invited to nourish more of the body the intensity in the penis driving towards ejaculation lessens and the sensation of the orgasm is spread throughout the body.
Entering into an Orgasmic State
One of my teachers stretched my awareness by proposing a new definition of orgasm: ‘orgasm is simply energy moving freely through the body’. If we adopt this definition, then the only thing that keeps us from experiencing an orgasmic state in every moment of our life is the tension that we are holding in our bodies. Naturally, if we keep softening into the full-body experience of orgasm, we have the potential to drop into this orgasmic state. The way it has felt for me is that the sensation expands beyond the body until I am feeling as though I am sitting in the center of the intensity of an explosive orgasm.
Being with orgasm in this way has the potential to open us to the absolute. Absolute awakening. There is no beginning and no end. The helps us to step away from the ways we can often get caught in our head during sex, ‘did you come?’, ‘Did I come?’, etc. We let go of all of these things and it becomes, ‘I am so whole in this experience of opening’ every sensation, every touch is almost like slow-motion. Feeling every stroke, feeling the touch of your lover’s tongue, lips... everything takes you deeper into this pleasure.
This state does not by any means have to originate in the genitals. It’s possible once we learn to free the energy in the body that any moment of our lives we can drop into this orgasmic state. This will not mean that you are constantly writhing and unable to act ‘normal’ because you are so overcome by sensation. It’s simply about being that open, that available to meet and come into union with everything you are interacting with in your life. So even when I open my hand in a subtle way or feel the touch of my lover’s hand on mine, I can open my body into a subtle form of energy, I can open into that orgasmic state.
Most of us have desensitized in order to protect ourselves. Because of this, we will need to re-sensitize before we can truly feel the awakening of this orgasmic state in our bodies. It will take a certain amount of sensitivity to become aware of this opening in the body. This is exactly what many of the Tantric practices allow us to do, they promote the opening and resensitizing of the body.
It’s your turn...
I invite you to begin to experiment. Explore some of what has been discussed here in your own body. Notice what is happening in your body as you move towards orgasm. Notice what happens when you experiment with doing things differently. What comes to life in you? I have definitely spent plenty of time playing with the different forms of orgasm and still I know there is so much I have yet to discover. I am delighted to say that I feel this will be a lifelong journey and exploration that I am happy to embark on, I hope this opens some new doors of exploration for you!