I wrote this immediately after an awakening I experienced this week. I am literally so full from the movement in my life that I think I have 4 articles in the works to share with you about it all.
I thought I would begin with these raw musings...
Emerging gently from the darkness
Can I let it be okay that it's been dark?
That I still don't know
Can I allow the blessings and not clutch onto them vowing never to go dark again?
Can I float in not knowing?
To everything there is a season
... always the waves, the dips as true as the peaks...
Seem to be craving aloneness as well as family in the same breath.
I don't want friends to just go to lunch with, I want friends who eat off my plate without asking and make dinner with me, friends who I help do annoying things like pack up to move, friends who I drive out of my way to help when their car gets towed.
I want 'family'.
How in the world do I create this?
I often get so overwhelmed that I can't even handle what's on my own plate. I don't take on new friends because I can barely show up for the friends I have. I rarely make plans because I am often so tired from my responsibilities that I don't feel I can handle more...
It always goes in waves.
It's not time for it to pass until its time for it to pass. Once it's time support is essential.
Maybe the movement is in the stars, maybe it coincides with a project being completed, a relationship changing, ...
Whatever the case, 2 weeks ago I could not have made the transition I am in now- no matter what tools I used.
The intensity peaked and suddenly I had the impetus to do things differently. I can feel it inside of me like an invisible momentum, nudging me gently outward, reminding me to make nourishing choices, tripping me until I fall in the arms of my community, friends and practices to be held and nurtured.
Where are you at in this journey? Still enjoying the darkness?
Peaking in the intensity?
Or finally ready for the transition?
For life to once again show you it's magic and to allow yourself to be loved...
If you are finding yourself in this transition, I would like to gently call out and invite you to be supported by our community and a powerful Tantric practice... allow yourself to be held.
It is totally true that we create our reality. I can see how love & community has been all around me the entire time. I didn't have the eyes to see it then.
My practice has opened my eyes. It's not enough to understand, things only change when you know them in your body.
I bow. Time and time again in reverence to this work, to this practice, to the access that it gives me to the sublime and the acceptance of the ridiculous. I need both on this wild ride.