I stumbled onto the Tantric path at a time when I was craving a deeper intimacy with my partner.
We had been together for 5 years and while we were still in love, I was not always feeling that love present in our lovemaking. We had fallen into patterns and ways of connecting that allowed us to do life together, but left me with a longing I couldn’t name. It would be many more years before I understood this longing was to experience something Divine. Both in myself, in him, and in the act of making love.
Tantra was the first spiritual path that gave me an orientation where my sexuality and desire were not things separate from my spirituality. Most religions I had come across spoke about sex and desire in a way that either condemned it, or wanted me to transcend it. But Tantra offered me a new understanding that my sexuality and my body could be one of my greatest teachers, and show me the places I had closed to love. What I was looking for in lovemaking and in my connection with my partner, was what I was looking for in life. I wanted to be touched deeply, to feel connected, to feel embraced for all that I am.
I did not know that to receive these things, there were many things I would have to see, touch, know, & let go of. Stepping onto the Tantric path has meant coming into deeper relationship with myself and subsequently the rest of life. It is a day to day practice. And here’s what’s come home for me through practice. There was nothing to fix about me or the people I love. Nothing was broken. There was only the challenge of staying in relationship to everything. When someone or something in life shows up in a way that triggers me, how do I still embrace them and my anger, my fear, my sadness, etc. How do I let the intensity of life, whether it is great joy or great pain, move through me without abandoning my body or running away.
When my relationship ended after 9 years, I got to learn how good of a student I had been. I stayed present with my pain, my anger, my fear, and all of the sensations those things created in my body. I let it burn, I let it feel hopeless, I let myself be numb, I let the tears come whenever and wherever they needed to. And I experienced my new found capacity to meet a level of intensity that I could not before Tantra. In the past I would have coped with drugs or alcohol, seeking affection from other men, and shutting down my heart. But by being able to stay present with the intensity life was bringing my way, that intensity delivered me to more love, and more of myself.
To stay in relationship with whatever life is dishing up, has meant developing what I now consider to be super powers….
More of this article by Kamali Minter coming soon (including information on super-powers!) :)
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