[A recent experience during a Tantric practice] really illuminated in me some new insights about my own Tantric journey.
In the past [when I would sexually connect with a partner] I would will my body to meet my partner, regardless of my state of readiness. If I didn’t step it up the moment of passion would surely be lost, or so I thought. I submitted to the circumstances not vocalizing my needs, allowing my partners to gloss over my feedback, and believing it was my duty to take one for the team.
The problem is that when it wasn’t a particularly satisfying outcome I would suffer through it, sometimes in physical pain and other times with a real lack of presence. Because I didn’t ask for what I needed I didn’t get it and my boundaries were crossed, my body violated, and my pleasure compromised.
Tantra has re-sensitized me on so many levels physically, spiritually, and emotionally. It is no longer compulsory to play it safe and remain status quo. Tantra beckons me to take risks and explore new territory, often stepping out of my comfort zone while stripping me of my limiting beliefs and pattern behaviors. It has offered me a new and ever expansive model for living life free of convention, controlling personalities, and my inner critic.
With Tantra I have a new lens with which to evaluate connection, intimacy, pleasure, and relationship. Through this lens I feel into the wisdom of my body and it reveals my truth. By doing so Tantra asks me to develop more awareness around my needs, desires, and choices. It encourages me to develop mastery in asking for what I want. It favors the practice of self-care and this is deeply nourishing. I always feel full and satiated.
When I practice Tantra I sometimes feel like I’ve stepped into a science lab and I am on the brink of a new discovery. Each learning reveals more of who I am beneath the layers of my stories and experiences. This is exciting and uncharted territory because it further realigns me with my purest most authentic self and draws me closer to the possibility of becoming whole again.