It's hard to know where to begin to check in with you about what has been moving for me over the past week.
It's hard to know where to begin to check in with you about what has been moving for me over the past week.
I spent almost all day Friday in bed crying.
It was excruciating, it was wonderful.
What an amazing weekend. I shared the work I love so much in a two day workshop. After the workshop ended, I felt something new open up inside of me. I felt warm and open and vibrant. When my Love and I got home we made love and it had a new and dynamic playfulness and passion. I allowed myself to enjoy him and delight in his body. I feel like for some reason every so often I don't let myself have all the pleasure that is avaialble because on some level I am busy holding a grudge on man or living in fear that if I truly surrender to this I have somehow lost the upper hand. I don't know exactly what I am fighting for, perhaps it is just an age-old power struggle.
What I will say is this, life is so much sweeter, lovemaking is so much sweeter, my relationship is so much richer when I give it up. Give up trying to be right, give up carefully controlling how much love I express in any given moment, give up holding back, give up protecting myself.
As I gave up last night I felt my body open. I let my Beloved touch me so deeply that it scared me. I felt an ache inside of me that his penetrating seemed to aggravate...and still I surrendered. And somehow magically, my body opened up and I allowed him to uncover this long lost part of me.
It is tender, it is raw. It is the unknown place... where I am not a teacher, not a lover, I cannot be defined. I don't know myself. The place where I simply 'am'. And then I don't have to worry about any 'Tantric Technique' or how to 'get it right' or how to 'be a good person' or 'seek enlightenment' or even how to achieve multiple orgasms... in this moment of presence those ideas and stories have no space to survive...
P.S. Want some help integrating Tantra into your life? Come and check out our BIG EVENT Evening of Awakening this Saturday 7-11pm in Santa Monica, CA http://eveningofawakening.com
P.P.S. Not local to LA, but you want to get started from home? Check out my new home-study course for women http://awakentoyourbody.com
Want to use this article? You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide. Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through coaching, events & home-study courses. If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at www.embodytantra.com and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.
Lately, I have noticed that I have been rather negative. Thinking negative, sludgy thoughts, speaking of the things that are not going the way I would like in a negative way, and in many ways hanging out and bathing in this well of negativity. It occurred to me that I have probably been creating a negative cloud around me and I should refer back to tools such as; the power of 'thinking positive'. Problem is, that whenever I consider tools around 'positive thinking' or 'gratitude' it makes me want to vomit. Seriously, something just does not feel right about it. Something is off.
When I have an internal 'yes' for something there is no stopping me. I can feel it in my body, in my teeth, how right it is and the universe moves in order to support me in that yes.
I often feel this 'yes' when I meet a teacher who I resonate with, a person I want to spend more time with, a work partner... and, of course, I feel this yes for Tantra.
Yesterday, within my sludge of negativity, I had a fantastic day of delicious meditation. I began in the afternoon with my meditation on the goddess Tripura Bhairavi, which I learned from a recent workshop with Parvathi and have taken on as a 40 day practice to embody the qualities of this goddess in my life... I then gave a private session where my client and I delved into Bio-energetic techniques to build the charge of life force and arousal in our bodies before allowing it to flow through us... and finally, I attended Dawn Cartwright's Friday Tantra Experience class where we awakened to the Sutra 'Unminding Mind, Be in the Middle, until...'
By the time I arrived at class I was already buzzing. Within the first five minutes I felt something crack open inside of me and I was alive with absolute love and gratitude... I did not think this, it was an actual physical sensation. I felt my absolute devotion to Tantra on a cellular level and my love for Dawn, for my beloved, for all my friends... and even for the strangers who shared in this evening with me. Ahhhh.
...And suddenly I knew why I feel sick when I think about positive thinking or gratitude lists...
What I am longing for, what I know to be real and true in my body, is so far beyond my negative thoughts, so far beyond changing my behavior or thinking in any way, what I am longing for isn't even on the same planet as these concepts. What I am longing for is simple, it is effortless, it is absolute reality and it awakens through my body. Once I touch it, everything is transformed. Negative thoughts are not a 'problem' because the story has dissolved. I don't need to 'think positive' or 'be grateful' because I am fully embodied. The wholeness that I experience is in itself a radiant love and gratitude, and I don't need to name it.
This is what I am holding for. This is what I surrender everything to. This is what Tantra has given me.
My beloved returned from an all-night sweat lodge on Sunday, warm and open. He was so gentle, so melted and so alive that it was nearly impossible to hold back around him, although some part of me seemed determined to try. I found myself running into a dangerous mindfuck which creates distance between me and man. ...and he just kept glowing and loving. In his radiance I felt my resistance melting away and I was transported to a magical land... the present. Here I was gifted with a love that I am never sure if I am deserving of, here I find myself constantly in dynamic new territory beyond knowing how to 'be', here it is demanded of me that I show up only in love and here I experience what I know to be the simple pleasure of being alive; but for most it is a pleasure beyond what they dare to dream.
And this proves a point I often find myself called on to share, only one of you has to change. Yes, only one of you, and I recommend that you begin with you. In this case, I lucked out, my beloved made a shift within himself and it was so fundamental, so profound that I could not help, but meet him in the moment.
I find the same thing happens when I am the one who has shifted. Always.
It's in the realm of like attracts like. A profound opening inside of you will call that forth in the heart of your beloved, or vice versa.
When my heart opens, my body opens. I think this is something that is often overlooked or misunderstood by men. When my man is showing up for himself, when he is growing in his own way and when that power he finds within himself overflows and he showers me with his love, even when we are not in bed... it is so fucking hot. Few things call to the heart of woman (or at least this woman) than a man in his power loving, loving, and loving her. Loving her when she wakes, loving her when she sleeps, loving her when she dances, loving her when she cries... I would consider all of this essential foreplay. Each moment feeling his love massages me and creates a sweet opening to take him inside of me.
Once inside, I can begin to unfold even further as I challenge myself to trust. It is a challenge because I, like many women, have been raised to believe that I should never surrender to man, never let my guard down. And yet, in honoring that way of thinking I have denied myself the true union which I long for more than anything else.
Dear Friends, In just an hour and a half you can begin to transform your relationship to lovemaking and in so doing change everything in your life.
Lovemaking is how we came into the world...the energy generated by sex is so powerful because it is the energy of creation, the energy of life. Let's face it; most of us are not integrated in our sexuality. In my opinion, you can be as 'enlightened' as you like, but if you look at your relationships and your sexuality and there is stickiness there...chances are, you still have a long way to go in your spiritual development.
That is why Tantra speaks to me. It does not let me get away with anything. When I am in my head trying to figure something out, it reminds me to tune-in between my legs, connect with my body and in doing so touch the heart of the moment.
My body never lies...when I am present I can feel my heart open and my sex immediately unlock, making me feel more permeable not only to my lover, but to everything I come into contact with. When I am not present, even if I appear to be experiencing pleasure, my body locks down...revealing where I may still be holding back.
You can try this as a meditation in your life:
Check in with your body periodically throughout the day and notice if you are holding tension in your body, specifically your genitals and see what happens when you allow yourself to relax...you may find that some discomfort you have been trying to keep at bay suddenly bubbles to the surface.
This is a good thing.
It can bring you into awareness, allow you to release what you have been tightening around, and open the doorway to discovering what life and lovemaking can be like when you let down your walls of protection. This will take you a step closer to an intimate relationship with life and loved ones.
Tonight's Tantra Life! Class (see details below) will explore this relationship between sexual arousal, tension, relaxation and absolute presence.
For those of you who are not in LA or can't make it to tonight's class...don't worry, this meditation will soon be made available as an MP3 or CD for you to listen to in the comfort of your home and practice with your beloved.
At my Valentines Puja, I had an incredible experience. I looked across from me at my beloved and I saw him. I saw his love, his devotion, his innocence, his longing...and for the first time in a long time, I dropped my fears and self-imposed isolation and met him. My love and I have a wonderful relationship. And in my humanness, as I have gotten closer and closer to him I seem to have touched another protective layer inside of me. A programming telling me that it is dangerous to be so close to someone. A defense mechanism which may have once kept me safe, but now keeps me at an arms length from life.
In that simple moment, during the Puja ritual, I was gifted with a sensation of all the walls coming down. I saw and felt what is possible between lovers. A feeling we sometimes allow ourselves to taste when we are first falling in love, but quickly squelch as we begin to grasp for security over the ripe, ever-changing truths of life.
The tantric meditations open a door, a door to what is possible beyond the 'safe' structures you have created to live comfortably within. It offers a world filled with intimacy, aliveness, and possibilities.
Whether you are longing to re-connect with your beloved in a new way, or you are eager to discover the riches of life as you become more and more present to yourself...I invite you to join me at this weekend's Puja ritual to support you on your journey. Whether you are longing to re-connect with your beloved in a new way, or you March Tantra Puja Sunday March 29th 6-10pm (singles and couples welcome) Early Bird EXTENDED until THURS! $50 if registered by midnight on 3.26.09/ thereafter $60 per person click here to register http://embodytantra.ecrater.com/product.php?pid=3521066
What is a Tantra Puja?
A Puja is a prayer. In Tantra, our prayer is recognizing the divine in every human being, our temple is the body. In a Puja ritual each man will have the opportunity to partner with each woman for a simple exercise or meditation. The Tantric meditations use breath, movement, sound, and guided meditation to enrich each meeting throughout the ceremony. Attending Couples may choose to work solely with each other.
*there is no nudity or sexual contact in the classager to discover the riches of life as you become more and more present to yourself...Embody Tantra has an offering for you this March.
Friends, On Friday I had the pleasure of attending a Tantra class with my beloved friend and teacher Dawn Cartwright. I felt a tremendous opening in my body (as I always do after a Tantra class) and the most remarkable things shifted in my life...
I went home with a warm feeling in my body and an availability for closeness and love that felt new. I felt alive even as I slept and when I awoke, something amazing happened...
In the beginning of my relationship, almost every Saturday, my beloved and I would begin the morning melting into one another, cuddling and making love...it would set the stage for a delicious day of enjoying one another. Recently, the ebb and flow of life and busyness has prompted my beloved to choose to jump out of bed on a Saturday morning (long before I am ready to rouse) and begin his day.
Even when he has had every intention of joining me back in bed when I was ready to wake up, it would still jar me and I would feel upset as I awoke to an empty bed.
This Saturday, after a delicious cuddly and connecting sleep, I woke up to him loving me...the urgency to jump out of bed to 'get stuff done' seemed to have disappeared for him.
Here is the thing, my beloved did not change... I changed.
I brought a part of myself home with me that had recently been buried by my own fears, insecurities, and behaviors. I had been getting into bed with only a part of myself and a strict list of expectations for how he 'should' behave in the mornings. But on this Friday, I brought home a sweet, soft, gentle, loving woman...ready to receive my man's love.
And without me saying a word, he got it. He felt some part of me inviting him to be close to me that he could not ignore...it shifted everything about the way we related that morning and we did not even need to verbally communicate about it.
In fact, in the past when I would try to talk to him about how I felt when he would jump out of bed, it would usually be coming from a place of anger and blame from my side and it was never well received...which created more distance when what I thought I was longing for was closeness.
It was the simple opportunity to take 2 hours and immerse myself in meditation, immerse myself in the wisdom of Tantra, to discover what was true in my body, beyond words, beyond stories, beyond decisions about who I am or want to be...which created a place where our love could unfold.
This is what is so exceptional about a weekly Tantra practice. This and so much more...
I hope you will join me as we begin another 'Tantra Life' series tomorrow night.
in love, Charu Tantra Life! VENUE CHANGE . please email us for new address if you plan on attending! FIRST Tuesday Class TOMORROW! March 17th 7:30-9pm / $30 per person Tantra is a powerful path of meditation which focuses on bringing awareness and presence to the body
Learning to integrate Tantra and live a Tantra Life is a process of surrender. That process is facilitated by the meditations. Practicing them on your own is a part of it, and gathering together to immerse ourselves in the essence of who we are is a sure-fire way to accelerate the process....not to mention how fun and delicious it feels.
This weekly class is my offering to you, a chance to spend at least an hour and a half each week immersed in Tantra. I invite you to leave your mind at the door and allow this to be your vacation from your life as you know it. A place where you can allow yourself to be surprised by the possibilities and experience yourself fully as we explore one of the 112 Tantric meditations.
*all classes are fully clothed with no sexual contact
Wow. Life is so unbelievably delicious. I just got back from a sunset meditation on the beach with a Tantric named Peter. He calls the breathing techniques he presents 'shakti pot'. My understanding of the meaning of that is to allow the essence of life to live through you... I am sure there are many interpretations.
We breathe heavily as we stare at the setting sun over the ocean.
As each sequence of 4 or 5 breaths completes I allow my body to be enveloped by a feeling of coming apart. I feel as though I die for a moment, everything that I hold onto to make life make sense comes undone and seems unimportant. I feel confused, but safe and happy.
Each time, I don't know if I will ever come back...to life on this earth. And I don't mind if I do or don't. It seems irrelevant. I am shocked to find myself within moments back on this earth, in this human body, able to still listen and understand words and function. When everything disappears I am certain that I have forgotten it forever.
Life feels softer and sweeter after. Things seem less important. It is freeing.
Sometimes I feel like I am so 'in' being a human and making my life work, and keeping it real, and staying down to earth, and, and, and.. that I forget how bizarre and delightful it is to be alive. I forget what a miracle it is that the sun rises and sets each day, that the waves ebb and flow, that the seasons change...
I am a little bit embarrassed to be talking about something so ethereal. I pride myself on being so 'down to earth'...and yet, I have lost touch. Life is so sweet and so simple. Even as I say that my mind rushes up with a thousand reasons it is not true.
I wish that I could always feel the world around me as I do in this moment.
I wish that I could remember to be simple.
When I got home I was gifted an amazing email from a friend with this link http://videos.komando.com/2008/06/26/christian-the-lion/
when I watched it I burst into tears and for the first time in a long time I felt absolutely blessed to be alive on this earth.
When my love returned to me from his afternoon of Karate he was open and excited to see me. He pulled off my clothes and played with me joyfully.
We got hungry and moved into the kitchen to make something to eat. We wound up on the floor kissing and grasping at each other. I felt myself desiring him and opening up, and at the same time I was becoming more and more afraid.
I asked him to place his penis at the entrance of my vagina (without going inside) ...I know that this is the moment when I would often shut-down and I wanted to experiment with being in that space that frightens me to see what it reveals.
I held him close to me and began to cry, 'I just want to get it right...make the right choice..'
This is so typical for me. I often feel motivated by my desire to 'do it right' and 'be good'...so much so that I cannot feel who I am or what I truly want.
'I'm so scared'
'I know.' he said.
I suddenly felt a massive pain in my throat. I grabbed at it wanting relief.
'say whatever you have to say' he said.
I could not feel any words.
I became hysterical. I wailed and cried until words began to come...
'get away from me....stop...leave me alone...leave me alone' I screamed.
I knew that I was not talking to the man before me, but I also did not see or feel who I was talking to. I have no recollection of any kind of sexual abuse in this lifetime.
I did not need a face or a scenario to go with what I was feeling...I just allowed it to come. I knew that I was releasing part of what has been keeping me from opening to my love.
My crying subsided and I relaxed a bit. I felt like a weight had been lifted.
I began to truly feel the purpose of this entire exercise, this time in our relationship.
I know that I am coming closer to myself. I have no idea what happens next.